Dane had $6. Dane gave me that $6 to split the cost of a hamburger at Goldberg’s. A short while later, I gave Kelli that same $6 to throw down for an 18-pack of brews. The next day at Toys R Us, Kelli gave $5 of the $6 back to help pay for the floats and tubes, which we were purchasing for the Twilight river float. At the gas station, I spent $3 of the $5 on chips, which I shared with the other floaters. Later, Dane paid me back $5 that I had spotted him for gas. I used the other $2 as a tip when I bought my taquitos and pitchers o’ Pepsi.
What I’m saying is, I’ve got 5 bucks and no plans other than sharing a little blunder with you.
“Are you worried he’s going to be a ginger?”
I said that one time. Out loud. I have no idea why I said it like that, but the proud father-to-be looked at me like I had shot his unborn, potentially red-haired child.
“No, I mean, like, are you worried, or do you just, ya know… I don’t mean ‘worried’ like you should be worried. I mean, like, does it bother you? It doesn’t bother me. I like ginger kids. Ok.”
See, I didn’t mean to imply that being a “ginger” was anything to worry about. No, I love me some redhead. I was just curious about his stance on it, but I lack the ability to form reasonable questions. I suppose I could have said, “I bet he’ll have red hair like his mommy!”
I try not to say words like ‘mommy’ though. I’m at the age where my peers are saying, “I can’t wait to be a mommy,” and I have to resist the urge to purge every time they do so. I can’t say “mommy” just like I can’t say “fatty fat-fat,” because those words are catching, and I genuinely like fitting into my jeans.
Some people are cut out to be good parents. Some people have fire extinguishers. Just because you have the equipment doesn’t mean you should use it. In fact, most of the time, you shouldn’t use it. You should only use it in case of emergency, like a sudden but drastic population decrease, or if you forgot to flip the grilled cheese and you just found out that the battery in your fire alarm is definitely still working.
So, what I should have said was, “Are you excited that he’s going to have red hair? Because you should be. Everyone who has red hair, except for that terrible lady who works at TB, and this girl who used to date my boyfriend’s brother (she was kooky), is totally kickass. Your kid is going to be part of a really cool club.”
I’m trying something new this week, which is a Pause, Drink, THEN ask. I’ll let you know how it works out.