The Road Less Hipster

“Fuggin Hipsters.”

This is something I say all the time. I think it’s funny that Hipsters hate being identified as such. Call it a curse. I was born with the ability to see people as they really are.  Then I try my best to ignore it. Earbuds.

I first started wearing earbuds while working because I didn’t want to hear the baristas’ George Bush, global warming, anti-establishment whining any longer. It wasn’t that I disagreed with them. Rather, I couldn’t handle their contrived, emo-inspired  faux-vagabond attitude.

Most of these kids’ parents were paying for them to go to college, and they couldn’t even show enough respect to shave. Or shower.  I didn’t realize it, but baristas in 2006 were the prelude to what is now known as a “Hipster.”

Many of you would expect me, as Chief of Cassie Cares, to go on a page-long rant about how much I hate hipsters. In reality, I don’t view hipsters as much of a threat. In fact, I don’t think “Hipster” is anything but a name for the members of the Counterculture. “Hipster” is simply the new “Awkward.”

Unfortunately, Counterculture will always become the dominant culture. It just will. Any savvy business will look at the trends of the Counterculture and market it to the dominant culture, and once Urban Outfitters is done with it, Wal-Mart will be selling regurgitated graphic tees to promote it.

I encourage you to look in the mirror. What are you buying or wearing that you didn’t think was “cool” two years ago?

Skinny jeans? Fingerless gloves? Fitted bomber jacket? Riding boots? Aviators? Ray-Bans? Any thick-rimmed glasses? Sushi? Indian Food? PBR?

Thank a Hipster.

At first, we all find the attitude irritating. Those dirtballs who constantly bitch about how “mainstream” the movies, coffee, clothes, certain books, or-whatever-the-hell, have become since five years ago? They will all become the very thing they hate: Trendy. They will constantly seek out the road less traveled, and millions will follow.

Maybe you heard of that band five years ago and now everyone is starting to like it. Congratulations, you’ve just marked yourself Hipster.

Take it as a compliment. You’re a trendsetter. You tried, you really tried, to be an individual (but then you tweeted about it, idiot). Just go find something else that no one’s doing, and revel in the copycats.

Six years later, I’m still wearing earbuds while working, but now it’s just because I like to see my coworkers miming things when they think I can’t hear them.


“I like to think of her as more than an assistant.”
“Well, not like THAT.”
“… Kind of.”


One thought on “The Road Less Hipster

  1. beccasheppard

    Sigh….too true. I sneered at skinny jeans when they came back. Can I at least just say I’m glad the high-waisted jeans didn’t make a successful return into the fashion industry? That one would have made me blow a gasket.


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