Coupon C-Word

I don’t appreciate the  attitude, Grocer-Lady. It’s Buy-One-Get-One razors, not a personal insult to you. I didn’t call your grandma a Nazi. I just used a coupon. That’s it. If looks could kill, that check-out manager would’ve burned me right between the eyes with a light saber.

Something you may not know: I cut coupons. I see the value in saving a few hundy a year. It’s not a weird obsession. I don’t race my cart through the store trying to hunt down the best deals. There’s no storage in my basement full of “Buy 100, get 5 free!” paper towels. I’ve just been taking a couple coupons with when I shop. That’s it.

I suppose I don’t look like a coupon cutter because I’m not wearing Mom-Jeans, I have way fewer than 9 children  (100% fewer?), I’m not filling carts full of Sam’s club merch, and I don’t normally talk about how much money I save. Still, I don’t need the rude expression. Why are YOU using coupons?

[Note: People who use coupons the most? People who don’t really need them.]

When people give me dirty looks, I give them dirtier ones. The cashier’s scowl was met with a higher degree of scowl. My dirty look would’ve shot her look between the eyes with a nail gun, then set her house on fire. Eyebrows up: I DARE YOU, BITCH.

You don’t want to mess with this.

What do you do on a normal basis that your friends didn’t know about?

The other day, I sat down to supper with a few girlfriends. I learned that two of them have been keeping journals since they were children. J was 12 years old on September 11, 2001, and she has a diary entry from that day, reflecting on how she didn’t quite understand what was happening. If you think about it, she documented a little piece of history. Someday she could sell that shit.

BLEW my mind to think that my friends’ entire lives are on paper somewhere.  I made a mental note to break in when they’re not home and read their journals.

It also blew my mind that I’m so much older than my friends. I’ve never been the eldest in a group, and suddenly here I am. When I’m thirty, some of my closest friends will be turning the corner on 26. YIKES.

On the bright side, I’ll be getting my AARP card way sooner, so I guess I won’t have to coupon-cut so much. So really, it’ll be a money saver.

This weekend, learn something new about your friends.

“Did the mail come?!?!”
“My laundry looks and feels amazing. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back…”
“Ok. Mail?”


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