As many of you know from a previous post, I’ve come to abhor Christmas because of the obligatory gift-giving. I don’t need stuff. I have more stuff than I know what to do with, and that’s after The Great Purge of 2012. What I want out of any holiday experience: a few good laughs, a few good memories, a few good drinks, and a few good pictures in case I have a few too many drinks.
So when Z and I started talking about our wedding, it seemed obvious that we’d skip the wedding registry. I hate mindless consumerism. I don’t need Fiesta Ware, and I’ve never been a fan of TJ-Maxx-style “LOVE, LAUGH, BLAH” trinkets. The things we have in our home are useful or sentimental items that we found on our journey, and we’ve managed to combine our things in a tasteful, hell-yeah-I-like-our-apartment way.
Plus, I find it rude to ask for gifts. I’m not some spoiled ten-year-old with a list for Santa. “We’ve been living together for X years, we both have established careers and/or own a home, but because we’re getting married, we deserve new towels. Spend your hard earned money on us, friends-of-my-parents-that-we-barely-know.” It just doesn’t suit us. We truly have everything we need, we move every ten minutes, and I don’t feel like burdening my friends and family with a $100 trip to Kohl’s.
Imagine my surprise when people think it’s tacky not to ask for shit we don’t need.
The Top Three Reactions:
YOU SHOULD AT LEAST DO A HONEYMOON REGISTRY! I’m fairly certain people know that this is a farce, and that they’re basically just giving us cash. Isn’t it kind of rude to ask for cash?
BUT YOU’LL END UP WITH A BUNCH OF USELESS STUFF BECAUSE GUESTS WON’T KNOW WHAT TO GET YOU! If someone wants to give us a gift, I’m guessing it’s going to be something thoughtful and/or useful. How kind that someone would think of us as we take this step together. And if we get two of something? We’ll regift it to someone who needs one.
WE HAD A REGISTRY AND IT WAS THE BEST THING WE EVER DID. That’s awesome. No, seriously. I think that’s cool that you got want you wanted/needed. Maybe you needed new plates. I don’t. I respect your choice, and I really like your new pots and pans. Cool. Let’s have dinner sometime. You can teach me about your new juicer. Maybe I’ll buy one for Z.
I feel like I’m constantly having to remind people that the point of a wedding is that you end up married. The flowers, pictures, music, presents are just details. Not registering for gifts challenges the beliefs of some people, but thankfully it’s our wedding, and not theirs.
My biggest takeaway from this is to respect others’ choices, not just in weddings, but in life. “Oh, you’re having/ not having kids?” Good for you. “Oh, you decided to quit your high-paying job and choose a career you’re passionate about?” That’s great. I hope it works out.
There will be times when people make choices that go against your traditions and beliefs. Don’t act like a shocked Miss Manners. Demonstrate your curiosity and show your support. You never know how much it might mean to someone.